Fwd: Joke of the Day -

INTRODUCTION
Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life -
Is the source from which self respect springs.
Joan Didion (1934-)


At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. President (1923
to 1929) and said,
"My husband bet me I couldn't get three words out of you."
Coolidge replied
"You lose."


Indiana Law
Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other
humans.


After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady
decided she had been stood up.
She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some
popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door- bell rang.
There stood her date.
He took one look at her and gasped,
"I'm two hours late--and you're still not ready?"



A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by
saying,
"I know that in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork... But have
you really never even tasted it?"
The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded,
"I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
The rabbi had his turn of interrogation:
"I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate, but..."
The priest interjected,
"Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to
temptation once or twice."
The two resumed their reading.
It was silent for a while.
Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and said,
"Better than pork, isn't it?"


A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of
him.
When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
So, the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar.
He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The students laughed.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this is your life.
The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health,
your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your
car.
The sand is everything else, the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or
the rocks.
The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to
you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."
But then a student then took the jar which the other students and the
professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer.
Of course, the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the
jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is:
No matter how full your life is,
There is always room for beer.


SECRETS OF WOMENS' LANGUAGE
Keywords and their meanings.
1. FINE
This is the word a woman uses at the end of any argument that she feels she
is right about but needs to shut you up.
NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks.
This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

2. FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football/ruby or whatever game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so she feels that it's an even trade.

3. NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and
end with the word "Fine".

4. GO AHEAD (with Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing"
and eventually cause an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with
the word "Fine".

5. GO AHEAD (without raised eyebrows)
This means "I give up. Do what you want because I don't care."
You will, however, get a Raised Eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes,
followed by "Nothing", and a "Five Minute" argument ending with "Fine".

6. LOUD SIGH
Not actually a word of course but often a verbal cue misunderstood by men.
The "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing there having a "Five Minute" argument with you
over "Nothing".

7. SOFT SIGH
One of the few sounds that some men actually understand. She is content.
Your best bet is not to move or breathe.
Just stay clear.