Fwd: Adult Puns

XXXX ADULT PUNS


She offered her honour,
He honoured her offer,
And all night long,
It was honour and offer!


When a woman talks about waiting for the 'right time',
She's not referring to a commercial break.

One day, Pebbles Flintstone was in bed with Fred and Wilma.
They were both naked.
Pebbles sees Fred's penis and says,
"Daddy, what's that?"
Fred says,
"Th-that's Daddy's rock."
A little while later Pebbles looks down and sees Wilma's vulva.
"What's that, Mommy?" she asks.
"Oh, that's Mommy's rock grinder."
All of a sudden Pebbles sits up and says,
"I get it! Daddy puts his rock into Mommy's rock grinder and out comes pebbles!"

How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
Nobody knows,
Since it has never happened.

A homeless guy is laying in a alley drunk and passed out when two
homosexuals walk bye and notice the man and decide to screw him.
Well when they got done they left him five dollars on his chest and left.
The homeless guy wakes up in the morning and finds the money and goes
straight to the beer store and tells the guy at the cash register that
he wants the cheapest thing he can buy and then left.
He got drunk and passed out in same alley as the night before and the
two homos come by and do it to him again and leave five dollars again.
After two nights in a row, the third night the drunk falls again in
the same alley and passes out.
But this time the homos decide he's a pretty good sport,
So, they leave a hundred dollars on his chest.
In the morning the drunk discovers the hundred and goes back to the
same beer store and tells the clerk,
"Gimme the most expensive thing you got, that cheap stuff is tearing my ass up"

You can be certain a woman is paranoid
When she puts a condom on her vibrator.

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife:
'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my
back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'

It is considered proper to lie down during a one-night stand.

A local prostitute was brought before the court of Queen's Bench for
solicitation.
The judge was surprised to discover that the young woman was claiming
not guilty when police had caught her in the act.
The judge questioned her, expressing her surprise.
"I am celibate." the young woman declared.
"Celibate?" the judge asked, wide-eyed. "How can you claim you are celibate?"
"It is my business to be celibate. I sell a bit here, I sell a bit there."

Women are just like orange juice cartons.
It's not the shape or the size that matters,
Or
Even how sweet the juice is.
It's getting those stinkin' flaps to open!