THE TOURIST PRAYER

Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble obedient tourist
servants, who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs,
mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry
underwear.

We beseech you, oh lord, to see that our luggage is not lost and our
overweight baggage goes unnoticed at the check-in.

Give us this day, divine guidance in the selection of our hotels, that
we may find our reservations honored, our rooms made up and hot water
running from the faucets.

Lead us dear lord, to good inexpensive restaurants, where the food is
superb, the waiters friendly and wine included in the price of the
meal.

Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand.
Forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance and over tipping out of
fear. Make the natives love us for what we are and not for what we can
contribute to their worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the palaces and castles
listed as musts in the guide books. And if, perchance, we skip an
historical monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us for
our flesh is weak.

FOR THE MEN / HUSBANDS
Dear lord, keep our wives from shopping sprees and protect them from
bargains they don't need or can't afford. Lead them not into
temptation for they know not what they do.

FOR THE LADIES / WIVES
Almighty god, keep our husbands from looking at the foreign women and
comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in
cafes and nightclubs. Above all do not forgive them their trespasses
for they know exactly what they do.

FOR EVERYONE
And when our voyage is over and we return to our loved ones, grant us
the favour of finding someone who'll look at our home movies and
listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in
vain.