Joke Warehouse!

BLOODY WOMEN DRIVERS!!!

A man driving his car shares his experience.. ...

Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked to my right and
saw a woman in a brand new Mercedes doing about 90 mph with her face
up close to her rear view mirror putting on her make-up.

I looked away for a couple of seconds and next thing I know she's
halfway over in my lane still working on her face.

It scared the life out of me so much that I dropped my electric
shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees
against the steering wheel, I lost my mobile from my ear, which fell
into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn "Big
Jim and the Twins".

I screamed in pain and the cigarette fell out of my mouth, burning my shirt.
I also lost an important call.

Rough Day At The Bar.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders six shots of vodka.

The bartender asks the man, "Have a rough day?"

The man replies, "Yeah, I found out my younger brother was gay!"

The bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful."

The man downs the shots and leaves.

The very next day the same man comes back into the bar and orders six
more shots of vodka. Bartender asks the man, "What's wrong today?"

The man replies, "I just found out my older brother is gay."

Bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible."

The man downs his shots and leaves.

The man returns again on the third day and again orders six shots of
vodka. Bartender asks the man, "Another rough day?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The bartender asks the man, "Does anyone in your family like women??"

The man says, "Yeah, my wife."

___________________

Kids!

When I was 30, I worked as a kindergarten teacher.

One day as I was talking to the children seated on the floor around
me, I absentmindedly removed my glasses to clean them.

"Wow, Miss Cummings!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different
without your glasses on!"

Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her
teeth out, too!"
____________________