RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on
Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, mine is in
Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested
the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water
in the carburettor I asked where the car was; she told me: "In the
lake."

8 She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling: "Am I too late for the
garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
' Always'.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to
interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the
TV?" I said: "Dust!"