SOME JOKES FROM THE INTERNET
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart." -- Dr. Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada
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"As an entertainer I travel a lot. I once saw a pin on a Delta
Airlines employee and I asked him what 'Delta' stands for. He said,
'Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive.'" -- Adam Christing
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An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is
nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it
correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
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SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO DRUNK
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The car park seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor.
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The Day I started my construction job, I was in the office filling out
an employee form when I came to : Single__, Married__, Divorced___ .
I marked single. Glancing the man next to me who was also filling out
the form, I noticed he hadn't marked any of the blanks. Instead he'd
written, "Yes, in that order."
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Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that
departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.
I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not
surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage
and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?"
Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?"
"Well," said the clerk, "How do you intend to travel?"
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A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
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The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him
to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby
place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name.
It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I
refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker
... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that
we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
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