Recent Quips from Late Night.

"Four years ago today, President Bush gave his Iraq victory speech in
front of the 'Mission Accomplished' banner. Well, I'm glad that's all
behind us." --David Letterman.

"Here's the latest scandal in Washington: ... They say on '20/20' this
week, the D.C. madam ... is going to list the names of famous
Republicans who used her female escort service. ... That shows you the
fundamental philosophical differences between the two parties. Bush
Republicans believe in having the private sector provide sex for
profit. Whereas, Clinton Democrats believe it should be a big
give-away program." --Jay Leno.

"Four years ago, the president stood on the deck of an aircraft
carrier and announced 'Mission Accomplished.' Two years later, the
president appointed one of the main architects of that mission, Paul
Wolfowitz, to head the World Bank. Because when someone has been
completely wrong about everything, you gotta put him where he can't do
any harm, like in charge of the world's poor." --Jon Stewart.

"We deported over 250,000 illegal immigrants from this country last
year. And today at the rally, they said they're all glad to be back."
--Jay Leno.

"Politicians having sex with prostitutes? What's the matter? All of a
sudden, congressional pages aren't good enough anymore?" --David
Letterman.

"The former first lady of New Jersey and soon to be ex-wife of gay
former Governor Jim McGreevey was on 'Oprah' today. She wrote a book
that claims even though she was married to the guy for almost four
years, she never knew Jim McGreevey was gay. She just thought he had
really bad aim" --Jimmy Kimmel .

"That's what makes this country great. The fact that thousands of
Mexican people march in a state with an Austrian governor waving
American flags made in China." --Jay Leno.

Top Ten Things Only Women Understand.

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.

9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off white.

8. Crying can be fun.

7. Fat clothes.

6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.

5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be
considered a peak life experience.

4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to
impossible.

2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.

1. Other women!