Night time Jokes!

Heaven is a place where:
the police are English;
the chefs are Italian;
the car mechanics are German;
the lovers are French
and it's all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is a place where:
the police are German;
the chefs are English;
the car mechanics are French;
the lovers are Swiss
and it's all organized by the Italians.

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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead."
- Woody Allen

"I like children - fried."
- WC Fields.

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having
to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're
eating sandwiches."
- Jim Carrey.

"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two but
can't remember what they are."
- Matt Lauer (on NBC's Today Show).

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their
feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop
it?"
- Steven Wright (...more Steven Wright Quotes).

"Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid
ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."
- Mike Kalin.

"Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favourite food is seconds."
- Joan Rivers.

"A winkle is just a bogey with a crash helmet on."
- Mick Miller.

"I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."
- Eddie Izzard.

"I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I
ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

- Steven Wright.