XXX - Adult Puns!

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In Curt Smith's 'Voice of the Game' he recounts the episode with Phil
Rizzuto's longtime partner Bill White.
According to White, the game was a long drawn out affair with not much
action, on the field.
As the cameras were scanning the lightly populated crowd they caught
sight of a couple kissing in the stands.
After viewing this for awhile Rizzuto noted that it seems that the
fellow would kiss his girl on the strikes and she would kiss him on
the balls.

The biggest problem for an atheist is no one to talk to during orgasm.

A Lady Rector of a Ladies hostel was fond of using English language
though her English was poor.
She she usually spoke in very short sentences to communicate.
One night the electricity at the hostel went off.
She immediately called the electricity company saying.,
"Lights gone in our ladies hostel. Send Men immediately. Girls using candles."

"I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere.
I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women."

One of the young page boys in Arthur's castle was particularly
attractive to, well, those knights who leaned that way.
The unfortunate fellow was forced to juggle his schedule to the point
where he could no longer perform his royal duties -- even if he didn't
have "conflicting appointments," he was running short on sleep.
Something had to give.
In desperation he made an appointment to see Sir Jacko during office
hours -- and explained his predicament as well as he could.
The knight decided to call a meeting among those knights who had been
calling on the boy.
After drinks had been passed around, he called the meeting to order and began:
"Before we start, 'd like to be sure we're all on the same page..."

Prostitute: Receiver of swollen goods.

The young novice nun soon realized that the absence of sex in the
convent was a problem.
She confessed to Mother Superior that it was unhealthy and she was restless.
"Comfort yourself with a candle," she was advised.
"I've tried that," she said, "But you get tired of the same thing wick
in and wick out."

Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work.
For the past year, pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave
him the eye as he passed.
Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he
stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and
didn't want to cheat on his wife.
However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get
her out of his mind. After spending many sleepless nights, he went to
consult a psychiatrist.
He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 45
years, and did not want to cheat on his wife.
"What should I do?" asked Jake.
The psychiatrist said:
"Take Melrose Avenue."

A New York fashion designer warns that if hemlines get any shorter,
women won't dare sit down and men won't dare stand up.

Another three guys are debating which of their languages is the most
pleasing to the ear. The Italian says,
"Seniori, consider the phrase, 'I love you.' In Italian, it is: 'Ti
amo'. What a lovely sound!" The French guy says,
"True, mes amis, but en French it is: 'Je t'adore'. An even more
beautiful sound!"
"Ja, zo... Vat ist wrong mit: 'Ick leiber dik," asks the German?

"My hubby & I have, what he calls "Olympic sex."
"Wow, must be a terrific sex life."
"Not really. It only happens once every 4 years."

An elderly Jewish lady is leaving the garment district to go home from work.
Suddenly, a man who has been walking towards her, stands in front of
her, blocks her path, opens up his raincoat and flashes her.
Unruffled, she takes a look and remarks,
"This you call a lining?"