XX - Adult Puns!

Gas prices are affecting my sex life.
With prices at over $3 a gallon, I only date women in a 5-gallon radius.

Woman calls 911:
"I just had a baby and the doctor told me to do those Kegel exercises
- you know to tighten up things down there [giggle].
"Yes, ma'am, I understand.
Are you in pain?"
"No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that every time I do those
exercises I have an orgasm." "I'm sorry, did you say orgasm?"
"Yes. Am I doing them right?"
"Sounds like it to me."

Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?
They write the bill on a condom so you can wine and dine your date,
and then stick her with the bill.

Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank still don't
know how to swipe their card through the ATM card reader.
Because of this, my fellow tellers and I often find ourselves having
to explain how it's done.
One teller complained that she kept getting odd looks every time she
explained it.
I found out why when I overheard her tell one man,
"Strip down facing me."

Man was sobbing in a bar.
His friend asked,
'Why?'
He said:
"My wife makes me pay $100 - for sex!"
Friend said:
"You're lucky, she charges others $250!"

"Muffin, I feel like making love tonight."
"Okay, I will let you, but be gentle this time."
"But I am always gentle with you, Dearest."
"That's not true. The last time, you woke me up twice!"