XX - Adult Puns!

Little Susie was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared,
"A baby brother."
"Sweetheart, Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said
her mom, "But there just isn't time before your birthday."
Susie thought for a moment and replied,
"Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want
something in a hurry? Put more men on the job."

Wife asks husband,
"How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies,
"Only you, Darling - With all the others, I was awake."

"I've had it with my wife." said the one drinking buddy to the other.
"I'm filing for an divorce."
"Sorry to hear that pal." said his partner.
"May I ask why?"
"I found her supply of birth control pills." said the first.
"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see
leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin."
"It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five years ago!"

Vatican Press Release:
All Women should informed that lying in bed, naked, entangled with
somebody and screaming:
'Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" is not considered praying.

Two boys were skinny dippin and the one couldn't help noticing the
size of the other's manhood,
So, he asked,
"How did ya get it that big?"
The other boy responded,
"Well I rub it down every night with lard."
Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole.
Once again, there was a comparison made with no results.
The first boy said,
"I did what ya told me. Every night I have rubbed it down with Crisco."
The other boy exclaimed,
"Well, no wonder, that's shortening."

We tend to blame everything on the priests, but the members of the
congregation can be guilty, too.
A young woman chased a handsome young priest all over the church.
She finally caught him by the organ.

A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young
woman in a pub and said,
"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"Yes I do," replied the beautiful young woman,
"But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway."
"OK," said the shy, drunken, innocent young man,
"How many men have you slept with?"
"That's my business!" snapped the woman.
"Oh, cool!" said the young man. "I didn't realize you made a living at it!"

Little Wendy is in line to see Santa.
When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks,
"What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
Little Wendy replies,
"I want a Barbie and G. I.Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
"I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said Wendy, "She comes with G. I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken!"

A rich man and a poor man are having lunch together one day, and both
have anniversaries coming up.
Poor man asks rich man,
"What'd you get your wife for your anniversary?"
"A diamond ring and a Mercedes," the rich man replies.
"Why both?" asks the poor man.
The rich man says,
"Well, that way if she doesn't like the ring, she can drive in the
Mercedes to return it, and she'll still be happy. So, what'd you get
your wife?"
The poor man answers,
"A pair of slippers and a vibrator."
"Why both?" the rich man asks.
The poor man replies,
"Well, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go Fxxk herself."