XX - Adult Puns!

"My friend works in the ER.
A woman came in with a cell phone shoved up her rectum!
She claimed she and her husband were playing some 'adult games'."
"Well, it had to be either that, or she doesn't understand the meaning
of phone sex."

Willie comes home from work, as he walks in the door Ethel grabs him and says,
"Come on Willie, we're going upstairs!"
Willie replies,
"OK - That's one of my favourite things!"
As soon as they get upstairs Ethel grabs Willie and throws him down on
the bed and jumps aboard.
Willie protests,
"Stop, Stop, We can't do it that way anymore!"
Ethel asks,
"What do you mean Willie, I like it that way and so do you."
Willie replies,
"You're sure right on that, in fact that is one of my favourite
things. But if we do it that way any more I'll loose my job."
Ethel asks,
"What do you mean Willie - that doesn't make good sense!"
Willie explains,
"The boss called me in the office today and told me 'Willie - You
screw up one more time - and you're fired!'"

If you don't enjoy masturbation,
You only have yourself to blame!

There were these three guys.
They all worked together at a factory.
Everyday they notice that their boss leaves work a little early.
So, one day they meet together and say that today when the boss
leaves, they'll all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they.
The first guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start.
The second guy goes home and cooks dinner.
The third guy goes home and walks to his bedroom.
He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss,
So, he quietly closes the door and leaves.
The next day the first and second guys are talking and plan to go home
early again.
They ask the third guy if he wants to leave early again and he says,
"No."
They ask him why not and he said,
"Because yesterday I almost got caught!"

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old
blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful
sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently
to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask,
'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies,
'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They are knocked over, but continue to ask.
'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says,
'No, I told her I was 90.

A gay in the navy is known as a 'rear admiral'.