XX - Adult Puns!

The laundry man at the convent picked up all the dirty habits.

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.
One day, they decide that they want to get married,
So, Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her
hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr.
Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10.. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies,
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies,
"Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a
week. That's about 60 bucks a month, so that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this.
"Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just
have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have
little children of your own?"
Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

You might be a redneck if you divorced your first cousin, married your
second cousin, and are diddlin' your third cousin on the side.

If you accumulate 365 used condoms in 2010, melt them down, make a
tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Two couples went out golfing together.
The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to
their tee box.
The first lady took a mighty swing at the ball, missing it completely,
while passing some gas rather loudly in the process.
No one commented. She addressed the ball again but this time she
passed just little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping it
and moving it only a short distance.
She said,
"I wonder why it didn't go any further?"
One of the men said,
"I don't think you gave it enough gas."

A donkey had an IQ of 186.
He had no friends at all though.
Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief.
After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache
specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms
are and he replies,
"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and... ''
He is interrupted by the doctor.
"And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear? "
"Yes! Exactly! How did you know? "
"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I
myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is
caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it:
Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would
squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would
relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and
come back and let me know how it goes".
Two weeks go by and the man is back.
"Well, how do you feel? " the doctor asked.
"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I
started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And by the way, you
have a lovely home."

Mine Shaft: What a German calls his dick.