X - Puns of the day!

A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.

'Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring.
He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a
banner that said ''N I L''.
White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to
"The Great Nullity,"
"The Blessed Emptiness," and
"The Big Zero in the Sky".
Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and whispered,
"Is Nothing Sacred?"'

At the first session of a conversion class the minister conducting the
class asked,
"What must we do before we can expect forgiveness from sin?"
After a long silence, one of the men in attendance raised his hand and said:
"Sin?"'

An old-time Excedrine slogan has been recycled into pushing a
lemon-lime-type soft drink:
"Mother, Please! I'd Rather Dew It Myself!"

A coprolite (fossil faeces) was recently discovered which was 17
inches long by 5 inches wide, and 65,000,000 years old and had chopped
up dinosaur bone in it, Paleontologists announced that it was probably
from a Tyranosaurus Rex.
They determined it was from a T. Rex by a process of elimination.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

My sister-in-law was married to a prominent surgeon who was a member
of operating teams at both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in
the Chicago area.
He would operate in the morning, then field calls about his patients
in the evening.
Once, when I was visiting his home, he was on the phone talking to a
resident at Christ Hospital when the other phone rang.
My sister-in-law answered, then whispered to her husband,
"It's St. Francis calling."
He whispered back,
"Tell St. Francis I'll have to call back. I'm talking to Christ."

A executive took his secretary to a restaurant for dinner.
He said,
"We become what we eat. What do you want?"
She answered,
"Something rich."

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the
church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one
consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the
church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man.
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned
at once to the "appreciation" column.
There he read:
"The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit
and for the spirit in which it was given."

Some times it's difficult for disabled people to find jobs, so I was
happy to hear from Terry, a double amputee who used a manual
wheelchair, that he had a job.
Terry said he worked in a strip club, taking back the clothes after
the women had left the stage.
I asked him what the money was like.
"Twenty bucks a week," he told me.
"Oh, that's not much" was my comment.
"Well," he replied, "that's all I could afford

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

As a schoolteacher expecting my first child, I had attended
natural-childbirth classes.
One of my classmates was in the hospital in labour at the same time I
was. She quickly requested drugs to ease her pain, while I gave birth
aided only by my husband's coaching.
When the nurses rolled me out of the delivery room, I spotted a
chalkboard. Beside my classmate's name was an A-; next to mine was a
B+.
"Alan, look at that!" I complained to my husband. "She took all the
drugs they'd give her and made an A-. I did it naturally and only got
a B+."
My patient husband rolled his eyes.
"Kathy," he said, "that's your blood type."

There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it
graduates from medical school.