XX - Adult Puns!

When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life,
The British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour.
At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: -
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence
on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet
retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward
to in these retirement years?" -
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table.
Everyone heard her answer... And no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said: -
Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, "appiness"!

To take their minds off children,
The Pope has said it's now OK for the priests to flirt with the nuns.
Just don't get into the habit!

I'm living with a girl but we're not married.
Its kinda like leasing with an option to buy.

The very first sex education classes were in the 50's.
Naturally, some of the teachers were embarrassed and used only very
carefully chosen words.
In one class, the teacher was explaining the anatomy of the male genitalia.
He said,
"The human male testicles are about the size of Plover's eggs."
A female voice from the back quipped,
"Hey... Neat!!! I've always wondered how big Plover's eggs were."

"Muffin, I feel like making love tonight."
"Okay, I will let you, but be gentle this time."
"But I am always gentle with you, Dearest."
"That's not true. The last time, you woke me up twice!"

"Good morning, ma'am, I've come to ask for collections, for the
Salvation Army," said the man in the bright red Santa suit to the
woman who opened the door wearing nothing but panties and a
see-through negligee.
"How do I know that?" the young woman replied.
"How do I know you're really with the Salvation Army? How do I know
you aren't some sex fiend who has come to take advantage of a poor,
defenseless female who's all alone in her house... And will be until
5:30pm this evening?"