XX - SEX!
SOCIAL SECURITY SEX. LOUD SEX: QUIET SEX: CONFOUNDED SEX: A couple are lying in bed.
Two men were talking.
"So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
A wife went in to see a therapist and said:
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my
husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
wife during a recent lovemaking session:
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied:
"You're never home!"
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
torn from his body.
His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his
manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it
was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be:
"$3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered:
"She'd rather re-model the kitchen".
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary.
The husband yells:
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
WOMEN'S HUMOUR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said:
"This will make you happy tonight."
He was right.
When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back in.
The man says:
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says..... "I'll miss you."
