Recent Quips from Late Night.

"Turns out Rudy Giuliani's wife forgot one marriage. Originally, she
said she was married twice before. Now it turns out she was actually
married three times. But, she said she never talks about the first
marriage. Hey, neither does Bill Clinton." --Jay Leno

"The liberal assault on our president continues, folks. Yesterday the
Democrats pulled out their most underhanded weapon yet -- Republicans.
... Senator Hagel wasted no time in mavericking the president [on
screen: Hagel criticizing Bush and saying the U.S. is not a monarchy].
Of course it's not a monarchy. What an outrageous thing to say. The
president should confiscate Hagel's land and revoke his privilege."
--Stephen Colbert

"According to the latest census survey, the number of people without
health insurance has dropped by two million. Duh, they're dead because
they didn't have health insurance." --Jay Leno

"Did you see this today about Barack Obama? Genealogy research has
revealed that Obama's great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Oh
great, now he won't be Irish enough for people." --Bill Maher

"In his new tell-all book, Republican former House Majority Leader Tom
DeLay said he partied too much, drank too much, and slept with too
many women he wasn't married to. You know what the Republicans call a
guy like that? A Democrat." --Jay Leno

"I give credit where credit is due. Finally, someone from the Bush
family has enlisted. George Prescott Bush, the president's nephew, has
enlisted in the Navy. The Navy is a tradition in the Bush family. The
first president Bush was a Navy pilot. The current President Bush
spends money like a drunken sailor." --Bill Maher

"According to the L.A. Times, insurgents in Iraq are targeting
educated people like professors and librarians. ... If the intelligent
are targeted and killed, then the only ones left to lead the country
will be the ignorant. So, at least they are getting closer to an
American-style democracy." --Jay Leno