CAT 'N DOG LIVES ...

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
6:00 a.m. - At last! I Go Pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 a.m. - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 a.m. - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 a.m. - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 a.m. - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 p.m . - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 p.m. - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 p.m. - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 p.m. - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 p.m. - They're home! My favorite thing!>
7:00 p.m. - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 p.m. - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite
thing!
11:00 p.m. - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh
meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry
nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my
dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at
their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely
made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I
am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I
was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the
event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I
overheard that my confinement was due to the power of
"allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to
my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one
of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I
observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain
that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged
protective custody for him in an elevated cell so he is
safe....for now.