XX ADULT PUNS!

A young Amish girl, big and busty
Would travel the valley quite lusty
And she made out right
Three or four Mennonite
Would keep her from getting too rusty.

The newlyweds always showered before having intercourse.
They wanted to come clean.

Roger said,
"Troy, I'll give you first choice. Let me tell you what they're like."
"Okay," said his buddy. "Sandra has kind of a dumpy figure. She's short on
looks, but she gives an incredible blow job. Suzie is pretty and has a
perfect pair of legs, which she shows off by wearing shoes with very high
heels."
"Say no more," interrupted Troy. "I'll go for head over heels anytime."

Two writers collaborated on a book about sanitary napkins.
They were coauthors of a co-text.

An infant boy was recently born without any eyelids.
The doctors circumcised him, and used the skin for new eyelids.
"Wow. The surgery was successful, but he is a little cock eyed," the surgeon
said. "Think of the foresight he'll have."

A guy came home from work,
"Honey, where are you?"
"I'm upstairs douching," his wife answered.
"I told you never to talk like that!" he yelled.
"What do you want," she called out, "good grammar or good taste?"

One day, this old man was about to have sex with an eighteen-year-old girl,
who he did not know.
The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is
he putting one on.
She said
"You don't have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too old,
and you don't have to worry about catching anything because you are going to
die pretty soon anyway."
The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl and
said,
"Young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn't because I am afraid
of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the scent of
burning rubber."

Men fall asleep immediately after sex
So women can masturbate and finish the job off properly!

At the mah-jongg game, a matron was bragging to her club members.
"That old goat of a husband of mine can't spend a dime without my consent.
My lawyer drew up an agreement that will hold up 100% in any court. And when
he dies, I get every cent under his last will and testicles."
"You must mean testament," said one of the ladies. "When I say testicles, I
mean testicles," laughed the woman. "Even after he's buried, I'll still have
him by the balls!"

A couple that hooked up over the Internet got the shock of their lives when
they finally met and found out that they were husband and wife!
They were cheating on each other with each other!

A Korean, an Italian and a Texan were sitting around a table in a cafe one
day discussing their wives.
"My wife is so dumb," stated the Korean, "She went out and bought a whole
side of beef, and we don't even have a refrigerator!"
"My wife is so dumb," followed the Italian, "She bought a brand new
Mercedes, and she doesn't even have a driver's license!"
"Well, I got you all beat," chimed in the Texan. "My wife is so dumb that
she took a whole box of condoms to a secretaries' convention last week-end,
and she doesn't even have a penis!"

Food has replaced sex in my life,
Now, I can't even get into my own pants.