XXX ADULT PUNS!

The miner's wife hated his craft
After years, she acted quite daft
When he filed for divorce
The judge asked his source
"My wife won't go down near my shaft"


Gypsies have to be careful when they're making love
Because they have crystal balls

A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a casino when he met up with a
striking but quite small and slim young woman.
They got on famously and ended up in bed.
She told him she was a jockey and that, if he came to the races at Randwick
that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she was riding in by giving
him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.
In race 2, she rode out rubbing both her breasts.
The bloke looked through the race book and found
"Two Abreast" on which he placed $100 at 5 to 1.
It won by 2 lengths.
"Shit, this is great" he thought.
In race 4, she rode out rubbing her fingers around her eyes.
He put the lot on "Eyeliner" at 10 to 1 and was 5 grand in front.
In the last race she came out standing in the stirrups and rubbing her
crotch.
He backed nothing.
After the races he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in races
2 & 4.
"What about "Itchy Mickey" in the last at 66-1?" she asked.
"Damn it, he said,
"I thought you were telling me the c*nt was scratched".

Animal Rights supporters are more violently opposed to fur than to leather
Because its safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

A blonde goes into a laundromat and as KS to have her sweater cleaned.
The Laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says,
"Come again?"
The blonde blushes slightly and giggles,
"oh, no it's just mustard this time."

Automate:
To have sex in a car

A woman enrolled in nursing school was attending an anatomy class.
The subject of the day was involuntary muscles.
The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asked the woman,
"Do you know what your gasholder does when you're having an orgasm?"
"Sure" she said. "He's at home, taking care of the kids"

Drive-in movie:
Wall-to-wall car petting.

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor says,
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
She says,
"Well, the first 100% you can guess. In addition, he burned his tongue and
broke his finger."

A woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat.
They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

A man was out for a leisurely walk one day, when he came to this big house
in a nice neighbourhood.
Suddenly, he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn.
Then, he noticed another couple behind a tree, and yet another couple behind
some bushes by the house.
He walked up to the front door of the house, and knocked.
A well-dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked curiously,
"I could help but notice all the activity on your front lawn. What kind of a
place is this?"
"This is a brothel," replied the madam.
"Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man.
"Oh, we're having a yard sale today!"

What's worse than a piano that's out of tune?
An organ that stops working in the middle of a piece!