XX ADULT PUNS!

Being in the military is like a blow job.
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

A pair of stage-door Johnnies are ogling the cuties who are leaving the
dressing room.
"Do you see that redhead over there? I feel like banging her again."
"Wow," said his buddy, "Do you mean to tell me you've been doing it with
that great looking broad?"
"No, I felt like it before, and I feel like it now."


A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and
mixed emotions, when he turned to his wife and said,
"Honeey, that's a bunch of crap; I bet you can't tell me something that will
make me happy and sad at the same time."
She said,
"You have the biggest penis of all your friends."

Gynaecologist:
A spreader of old wives' tails.

A woman was walking along pushing her newborn baby in the carriage when an
old friend approached her.
The friend leaned over, peering into the carriage said,
"What a beautiful baby boy, and he looks JUST like his father."
"I know," replied the woman, "I just wish he looked more like my husband!"


An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an open buggy one cold,
blustery January day.
The daughter said to the mother,
"My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied,
"Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up."
So, the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend.
The boyfriend said,
"My hands are freezing cold."
The daughter replied,
"Put them between my legs, they'll warm up."
The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the
daughter.
He said,
"My nose is freezing cold."
The daughter replied,
"Put it between my legs. It will warm up."
He did, and his nose warmed up.
The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and he
said,
"My penis is frozen solid."
The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and she
says to her mother,
"Have you ever heard of a penis?"
The slightly concerned mother says,
"Sure, why do you ask ?"
The daughter says,
"Well, they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!"

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over again.
GARBAGE COLLECTORS come once a week.

A man's balls had turned brown and he was worried so he made an appointment
with his doctor.
When he got home from the appointment he sat down in his chair in the living
room.
He hollered for his wife to come from the kitchen.
After a while when she didn't come he hollered again.
After the third time she hollered back,
"I haven't got time. I am fixing dinner; I have clothes here to iron, the
baby is crying and needs changed. I don't even have time to wipe my ass."
He said,
"That's what I want to talk to you about."

What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
Come in five flavours