XX Adult Puns!

"How long have you been suffering from premature ejaculation?" asked
the doctor. "Ever since I was a little squirt."

Two little girls are playing with a ball in the garden.
The ball rolls under a nearby bush.
So, one of the little girls crawls under to get it out.
Unfortunately, it's a thorn bush,
So, she gets a rose thorn stuck in her finger.
Crying, she runs indoors shouting,
"Mommy, Mommy, I've got a thorn in my finger! Get some apple juice!"
Mum says,
"But why do you want apple juice? Wouldn't a bandage be nicer?"
The little girl says:
"Well, I was playing with Rosie, and her big sister says that whenever
she gets a prick in her hand she puts it in cider.

What matters is not the length of the wand,
But the magic in the stick.

The husband was perusing a detailed s ex manual and his wife asked him why.
He replied that he was tired of being in the same old rut.
"But I don't understand," she protested, "I thought we had a very good
sex life."
"Well," replied the husband, "let me put it to ya another way."

One determined young woman finally got so fed up with her shy
boyfriend's fumbling advances, she decided to put him in her place.

A dick is like fishing because you throw back t he small ones,
Eat the medium ones and mount the large ones.

Sex is like snow;
You never know how many inches you are going to get
Or
How long it is going to last.

Three ladies all have separate boyfriends named Larry.
One evening, while sharing a few drinks at the bar, one of the ladies suggests,
"Let's name our Larrys after a soda pop, because I'm tired of getting
my Larry mixed up with your Larry, and her Larry mixed up with your
Larry."
The other two ladies agree.
The first lady speaks out,
"Okay then, I'm gonna name my Larry 7-Up because he has 7 inches and
it's always up!" T
He three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other high fives.
Then, the second lady says,
"I'm gonna name my Larry, Mountain Dew because he can mount and do me
any day of the week."
Again, the three ladies hoot and holler, and slap each other more high fives.
The third lady then says,
"You know, those two Larrys were good, but I'm gonna name my Larry,
Jack Daniels." The other two ladies shout in unison,
"Jack Daniels? That's not a soda pop. that's a hard liquor!"
The third lady bursts out,
"That's my Larry!!"

Two gays got into a heated argument, with one of them saying,
"Well, you can kiss my ass!"
The other one blurted out,
"This is no time to talk about romance, Bitch!"