XX Adult Puns!

The attractive young thing was about to go to bed with her blind date
when she burst into tears.
"I'm afraid you'll get the wrong idea about me," she said between
sobs. "I'm really not that kind of girl!"
"I believe ya," her date said, as he tried to comfort her.
"You're the first one," she gulped.
"The first one to make love to you?" he asked.
"No!" she replied. "The first one to believe me."

The gay man took two aspirin with his Viagra
So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.

Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. On his way to work.
For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset
gave him the eye as he passed.
Of late, she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he
stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man, and
didn't want to cheat on his wife.
Lately, the hooker was looking so tempting, however, he could not get
her out of his mind.
After spending many sleepless nights, he went to consult a psychiatrist.
He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy,
He was married forty-five years, and did not want to cheat on his wife.
"What should I do?" asked Jake.
The psychiatrist said,
"Take Melrose Avenue."

She was only the Weatherman's daughter,
But she sure had a warm front.

What do you call a woman who puts her diaphragm in crooked?
A Mother

Two Viagra pills walk into a bar and sit next to two Marijuana plants.
The marijuana plants are lamenting about being illegal.
The Viagra pills scoff at them.
One Marijuana plant turns to the Viagra pills and asks,
"Don't you think we should be legal?"
"No," said the Viagra pills, "We are hard on drugs."

Raggedy Ann was thrown out of the toy box when she was caught sitting
on Pinocchio's face, and moaning,
"Lie to me!"

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen
each other since graduation.
They begin to talk and bring each other up to date.
The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc and
finally gets around to their sex lives.
Sue says
"It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"
Sally replies,
"It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."
Sue is aghast.
"Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."
"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

The egg said to the boiling water,
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago!"

I was at a friend's wedding.
Her father asked me to dance with him.
He was pretty drunk, but I figured what the hell.
So, were dancing and I asked,
"So, are you enjoying yourself, Richard?"
He said,
"I prefer Dick." I said,
"Well so do I, but what does that have to do with anything?

Sin:
Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.