XX - Adult Jokes.

The other night I ate at a really nice family restaurant.
Every table had an argument going.
~~~~~~~~~~
This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak
his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the
Olympic Village.
Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they
rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic
achievement.
After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the
bed in exhaustion.
The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light.
His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp
glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her.
She's really pleased to have met this guy.
At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed.
He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a
small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp.
Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a
surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the
other side and beating his chest like a gorilla.
Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat
performance.
The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter.
Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion!
After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position,
the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another
shot of the mysterious liquid.
Once more, he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats
his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.
The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the
same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly
see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations,
but she sure likes the effect!
More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking
ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on
her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.
"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed
Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!"
She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid.
She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it
just tastes like Coca-Cola.
Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the
bed - only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of
the Australian relay team.
~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys were out walking in the woods where they found a really big
hole in the ground. Wondering how deep it was, they threw a rock in
and never heard a sound. So they tossed in an even bigger rock, still
no sound. Next, they find a railroad cross tie. They dragged the cross
tie to the hole and toss it in, still no sound. About that time a goat
comes running by and dives into the hole, still no sound. Then, a
farmer walks up and asked the guys if they had seen his goat? One guy
says, "Yeah, just a couple minutes ago a goat ran by here and dove
into that big hole." The farmer said, "Naw, that couldn't have been
mine, my goat was tied to a cross tie!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Being a gardener I turned up at a house to do some work. When the door
opened a beautiful young woman smiled, said hello and explained that
her bush needed a little trim, she said I could take my tools round
the back and to give it a good fork too. But first she wanted me to
take a look at her little flower she had upstairs. As I followed her
up the stairs I could see she was wearing no knickers and she had a
lovely tight arse.
She pulled me into the bedroom and bent over the bed and said, "Can
you repot my flower, it's needed doing for a long time?" So, I picked
up her orchid (which was bone dry!!) and took it downstairs to give it
a good watering before I re potted it. Some people can't even look
after a simple orchid.
~~~~~~~~~~
A fellow walks into a cocktail lounge and orders three dry martinis.
The waitress quickly fills his order.
He downs all three martinis, then breaks the bowl off of the glasses,
crushes them up and eats them, leaving three stems sitting on the
table.
He pays for his drinks, gets up and leaves.
The waitress says to the  guy at the next table, "Did you see what
that guy just did?"
"Yeah," he replied, "he left the best part!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Hmmmmm!
Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.