XX Adult Jokes.

Q. What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
A. All the information you need,
But you can't understand a word of it.
~~~~~~~~~~
It was Mothers' Day and, though the whole family was at the table,
You could see that the mother was upset: quiet, but seething.
Finally, the husband asked what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again.
"Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked and
cleaned and fed the five kids for fifteen years and on Mother's Day,
You don't even tell me so much as "thank you."
"Why should I?" he argued. "Not once in fifteen years have I gotten a
Father's Day gift."
"Well, yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."
~~~~~~~~~~
Two Blondes rob a bank and all they get away with are two sacks,
So they keep one each.
After awhile they meet again and one asks the other,
"What did you find in your sack?"
"Half a million"
"Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with the cash?"
"I bought a house. How about your sack?"
"Bah... It was full of bills"
"And what did you do with them?"
"He well . . . Little by little, I'm paying them off .
~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks in and sits down at a bar.
The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks,
"What in the world happened to you, buddy?"
The guy says,
"Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "What did she do?"
"She hit me with her bag of quarters!"
~~~~~~~~~~
The air traffic controllers are sleeping,
The TSA is groping you,
&
The pilots are drunk.
Who would have thought the most reliable workers at the airport would
be the baggage handlers? (Jay Leno)
~~~~~~~~~~
The Texas legislature passed a law Friday raising the speed limit to
eighty-five miles an hour.
They already let you have an open beer in the car and let you carry a gun.
The idea is to make life on the highway so much fun you wouldn't think
of texting while driving.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hmmmmm!
Life's briefest moment is the time between reading the sign on the
freeway and realizing you just missed your exit.