Comeback Lines

"I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."
"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"

"What are you going to be when you graduate?"
"An old man"

"I spent three years in college taking medicine."
"Are you well now?"

Do you say a prayer before you eat?"
"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."

"We are having mother for dinner, darling."
"Make sure she's well done."

"It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other."
"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."

"May I hold your hand?"
"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."

"Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"
"No, you'll have to walk"

"I have changed! My mind."
"Thank heaven! Does it work better now."