XX Adult Puns!

The difference between Niagra and Viagra is:
Niagra falls.

A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor.
"Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant."
"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in,
our colony we practice sex only with our eyes."
"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."

Legend tells us that when the great Apache warrior, Geronimo died in
1909, the leaders of the major American Indian tribes all gathered to
give a proper send off to their greatest hero.
They placed the chief on a funeral pyre in an enormous tent where they
smoked their peace pipes while drinking a mixture of whiskey and tea.
The wake lasted until all the warriors had drunk so much of the potent
mixture that they passed out.
The chiefs spent the remainder of that eventful night in their tea pee.

Confucius Say:
Woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock.

A very well-built young blond was lying on her psychiatrist's couch,
telling him how frustrated she was.
"I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be
a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I
tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too." The shrink
thought for a moment and said...
"Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful
breasts, points it at the shrink, and says,
"Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"

The waitress at the Greek beanery married the boss, and they seemed quite happy.
But one day, she sued him for divorce.
Her charge:
He was indifferent.

Two college women were discussing the date one had had the night before.
"Oh, Nancy, he was so erudite, and clever, and sophisticated. He
speaks ten languages, drives a Lamborghini, took me to a Parisian
restaurant and ordered the meal and wine in French, then took me to
his penthouse apartment to look over his Russian book collection by
the fireplace."
"Wow, Gail, he sounds fabulous! But just how far did he get with you?"
"Well, I really can't say, but he was quite a cunning linguist!"

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each
other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long
conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject
of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses,
leaned over towards her and whispered -
'Is that one word or two?