XX - Going down in flame ...

Years ago during the battle of Britain (a small island off mainland
Europe, for you chaps reading in the States!) a famous French (from
the noun France, meaning a bigger country on mainland Europe situated
close to Britain!) fighter pilot had evaded capture by the Germans and
was now the RAF's (Royal Air Force, chaps) top flying ace.

Having come back from one harrowing sortie, Herve (pronounced Ur -
vay) the sole surviving member of the squadron crash landed his
damaged & smoking spitfire on the grass runway..

"Fuel up another one" shouts Herve "I fight the dreaded Germans on my own"

He duly got into a new plane flew across the channel (a sea between
Britain & France) and when over northern France encountered a large
squadron of German planes.

Throwing caution to the wind Herve lined them up in his sights and
dived into attack.

He was promptly, unsurprisingly, shot down and crashed in a farmers field.

Climbing from the smoking wreckage Herve is confronted by an angry
farmer brandishing a shotgun and threatening to "blow his German head
off".
(the French fought the Germans in WW2 and were on "our side").

"Non non" says Herve "I am Herve the famous French fighter pilot and
have been shot down, you idiot farmer."

The fame of Herve had even spread to this little farm in northern
France and now reassured the farmer was delighted.

Taking Herve's flight bag in one hand and supporting the tired Herve
with the other the farmer led our intrepid hero back to his simple
farm house for some warming food and a glass of wine (this is an
alcoholic drink favoured in France. It has absolutely no relation to
similarly labeled drinks sold in the US - it is actually rather
pleasant).

On entering the house the farmer introduces Herve to his wife and his
beautiful blonde 18-year-old daughter Nicole.

After a fabulous meal and a few more glasses of real wine, the farmer
announces that it is time for bed.

But there was one problem, there were only 2 bedrooms, one for the
farmer & his wife the other for Nicole (the lovely young daughter -
concentrate).

Herve swore on his honour that he would not lay a finger on Nicole and
could be trusted to share her bed for the night before escaping the
next day across the channel to Blighty (aka Britain see comment line
one).

Needless to say, that no sooner had Herve closed the bedroom door he
jumped the lovely young Nicole.

"Oh Herve, kiss me! Kiss me!" cries Nicole

Herve reaches into his flight bag and brings out a bottle of Merlot
(see previous comment on wine) and splashes it on Nicole's lips.

"What are you doing, Herve?" says the startled Nicole.

"I am Herve, the famous French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I
like to have red wine!"

She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Nicole says,

"Herve, kiss me lower."

Herve tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay from his
flight bag and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Herve! What are you doing?", asks the bewildered Nicole.

"I am Herve the famous French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I
like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Nicole leans close to his ear and whispers,
"Herve, kiss me lower!"

Herve, grabs a bottle of Brandy (a highly combustible alcoholic drink
made from grapes and much stronger than Budweiser) and pours it in her
lap.
He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Nicole shrieks as she bats out her flaming bush then shouts angrily at Herve,

"Herve, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

To which Herve replies,

"I am Herve the famous French fighter pilot and when I go down, I go
down in flames!"