XX Adult Puns!

There was a young girl named Ann Heiser
Who swore that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found a Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder  - Budweiser.

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation, but I
hear that it's coming quickly.

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man stopped in
front of them and flashed them.
The first old lady bent over and had a stroke.
The second old lady bent over and had a stroke.
The third old lady bent over but her arms weren't long enough.

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

Men taking iron supplements must be warned that taking Viagra may
cause them to spin around and point north.

This little dog was romping on the railroad and just having a blast
when a train came along and lo-and-behold it cut the very tip of his
tail off before he could get off the track. He went scampering off,
just a screaming because it hurt.
After awhile it quit hurting and he got to wondering what had happened
to the part of his tail that had been cut off.
So, he went back to the tracks to find out.
And being busy looking for the tail that had got cut off he didn't
notice another train coming and it cut his head off.
The moral of this tale is to:
Never lose your head over a little piece of tail.

Harry and Bill are at the bar and chatting.
"Harry, I do not understand my girlfriend. You know, I can't really read her."
"I read mine like a book."
"How?"
"Like I read all books - in bed."

A young archaeologist on his first dig, was examining one of the
chambers of a just uncovered site believed to be the burial vault of a
great Persian ruler's son, when he came upon a round cylindrical
object about 6 inches long.
After closely examining his find, he quickly and excitedly dispatched
a telegram to the Archaeological Research Department at the
Smithsonian Institute.
This is what he said:
"Believe I have found the petrified penis of a proud and passionate
Persian prince. Please verify."
After waiting several weeks for a reply, the Smithsonian's response
finally arrived.
This is what they said:
Regret to inform you that you have not found the petrified penis of a
proud and passionate Persian prince. What you have found is the
calcified crap of a cautious cat that crept into the crypt and
crapped.

A necromantic loves every body.