XX - Adult Puns!

Everyone wants to work at the impotency clinic because it's a soft job.

An eight-year-old boy asked his father what is the difference with an
old-time woman's panty and a now-a- days panty.
His father told him that from his experience the only suitable answer
he could give him was that:
You had to move the panty to see the ass a long time ago,
But now you have to move the ass to see the panty!

Bungee jumping and hookers both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber
breaks, you're screwed.

A man went to the tattoo parlor and had the words "yes" and "no"
tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his
wife in their bedroom.
He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused organ and
its new tattoo. "What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife.
Deliberately she said,
"You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell
me how to do the laundry, and now you're going to put words in my
mouth?"

Headquarters:
The room where enlisted women blow the officers.

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.
Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says,
"Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."
"But we're privates," protests Jasper.
"We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.
"Now, Jasper, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink."
"But we's privates," says Jasper.
"You blind?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We're sergeants now."
So, they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy.
"Your cute," she says, "and I'd like to screw you, but I've got a bad
case of gonorrhoea." Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers,
"Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhoea means. If
it's okay, give me the okay sign."
So, Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible
case of gonorrhoea. "Jasper," he says, "Why'd you give me the okay?"
"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates."
He points to his stripes.
"But we're sergeants now."

Nothing can burst your parental bubble faster than hearing your
daughter come home from a date and saying,
"Some nights I don't know why I even bother to wear panties."

A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl.
They have a few drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed.
They're having a great time.
She was on top when suddenly she had an epileptic seizure she was
shaking and foaming at the mouth.
Our uninformed male thought this was incredible best sex he'd ever had.
He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with her seizure.
He began to get nervous and took her to the emergency room.
A nurse asked what the girl's problem was, and he replied,
"Err, I think her orgasm is stuck!"

A man who dies from a Viagra overdose is a dead stiff.

The loneliness of a middle-aged man and woman - both divorcees,
eventually blossomed into love and finally marriage, but the wedding
night turned into a real disaster.
"You just do not fulfil me sexual expectations," the bride commented
the following morning.
"You're right about that." replied the new husband. "But when I
promised to fill the void in your life, I simply had no idea that it
would be so blooming large!"

"Are you and Larry serious?" one girl asked her friend while talking
over cocktails. "We're still a little short of a meeting of the
minds," she replied.
"I want a big, old-fashioned June wedding, and he wants a quickie in
the back seat."