XX - Adult Puns!

Jill was talking to her hair stylist.
"It's silly," she said, "but my daughter has some sort of crazy idea
about losing her hair." "What do you mean?" the beautician asked.
"Well, I overheard her on the phone the other day telling her best
friend that she hoped she'd be 'bald' soon."

The ultimate rejection occurs when you're masturbating,
And your hand falls asleep.

Pinocchio is all grown up, and has moved out.
One day, he meets Gepetto in a bar, and starts confiding in him.
"Whenever I`m having sex with a girl, she complains about splinters,"
Pinocchio says. Gepetto looks all wise, and tells him that whenever he
feels 'lucky', he should rub sandpaper on his penis.
Happy, Pinocchio says he will try it.
A few weeks later, Gepetto spots Pinocchio walking down the street.
He stops him, and asks how its going with the girls,
To which Pinocchio replies,
"Hey, who needs girls?"

Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland -
A one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride

The instructor was demonstrating the wonders of static electricity to
his college class. While holding a plastic rod in one hand and a wool
cloth in the other, he told his students,
"You can see that I get a large charge from rubbing my rod."
What was pretty much the end of learning for that day.

Confucius says,
"Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands."

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a
much younger salesman.
"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an
occasional piece in the living room!"

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob,
"If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts."

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy.
"She's incredibly mixed up." said one doctor. "She does everything
absolutely backwards. Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2
milligrams of morphine every 10 hours, she gave him 10 milligrams
every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!"
The second doctor said,
"That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an
enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The
guy damn near exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall.
"Oh my God,!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse
Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

I don't know whether Elizabeth Montgomery was a real witch or not, but
she had both Dick York and Dick Sargent play her husband on Bewitched.
How many mortal women do YOU know with two dicks?