XX - Adult Puns!

I hate when I hear people say,
'Nice guys finish last.'
Seems every nice guy I've slept with finished first and didn't last.

Jon was looking for a little "action."
He picked up a sweet young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room.
Little did he know that she was darn near a nymphomaniac.
After six times having sex, she was screaming for more.
After the eighth time, Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a
pack of cigarettes.
On the way out, he stopped into the men's room.
He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped his pants, and felt a moment
of panic when he couldn't find his tool.
After a couple of minutes fishing around, he finally said,
"Look, it's okay. She's not here!"

The only thing better than the sleep of the just is
The sleep of the just-after.

John was in a bar looking very dejected.
His friend, Steve, walked over and asked,
"What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law," John replied, while shaking his head sadly.
"I have a real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."
"Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant."

Learn from your parents mistakes -
Use birth control.

Have you heard about the secretary who was making it with her boss
when his wife walked in?
She had to change her position.