XX: Adult Puns!

What is the ultimate definition of courage?
Two cannibals having oral sex.

In a small town in Tennessee, Big Bubba decides it's time for his son,
14 year old Billy Bob, to learn the facts of life.
He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a
beauty parlor.
Bubba introduces Billy Bob to the madam, and explains that it's time
for his indoctrination to sex.
The madam says,
"Bubba you've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to
see to this personally."
So, the madam takes Billy Bob by the hand and leads him upstairs,
where she completes his deflowering.
Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says,
"Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full
treatment before you leave, I'm going to give you a manicure."
Two weeks later Bubba and Billy Bob run into the madam on the main
street. Billy Bob is acting a little shy. So the madam smiles and
says,
"Well, Billy Bob, don't you remember me?"
"Yes ma'am the boy stammers,
"You're the lady that gave me the crabs and then cut off my
fingernails so I couldn't scratch 'em."

To get acquainted with his new parish, the new Priest decided to call
on a new parishioner every day until he got to know most of them.
One day, he selected a young widow, whose husband, according to the
index card supplied him by the parish office, had died two years ago.
After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby
in her arms.
He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for
the widow Smith."
"You've found her Father," smiled the lady.
"Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two
years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms.
"That's correct Father," she replied. "He surely did. But I didn't."

Waiting in the long restroom lines at sports stadiums, many women with
small bladders have trouble minding their pees in queues.

One late evening a redneck named Aldo came out of the local pub a little drunk.
He got into his pickup truck and started driving home.
He was on a lonely stretch of the road, when all of a sudden a piston
blew right through the hood.
Aldo gets out of his pickup truck, angry as hell and kicks the door
real hard out of frustration and starts walking down the lonely road.
About twenty minutes later, a pickup truck with a bunch of fellow
rednecks riding in the back of the truck came along and stopped.
One of the fellas called out,
"Whats the matter ole' friend?" Aldo says,
"Piston-broke!"
The same fella calls back,
"Yeah! We're pissn'd and broke too. Get in the truck."

Coolie:
A quickie in the snow

One morning, a man woke up and noticed he had a red ring around the
base of his member.
Astonished he checked into the emergency room.
The doctor looked at it and gave the man some lotion to rub on it once
every 3 hours.
"If you don't see any results, come back tomorrow," he said.
There was no result.
So, the man came back the next day.
He was given a different lotion.
It didn't work either.
The man returned the following day.
The doctor was wondering what to prescribe next, when a new nurse, who
happened to be in the same ER, passed by.
Seeing the man's predicament, she offered to help.
"I think I know what the problem is," she said. "Let me assist."
At his wit's end, the doctor agreed to let the nurse try her hand.
"May I?" she asked the man.
He nodded.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a tube of lotion, applied it
to the red ring and it instantly disappeared!
"Amazing!" the doctor said.
"What was that?"
The nurse replied,
"Lipstick remover!"