XX - Adult Puns!

Q. What gets longer when pulled, fits between your boobs, inserts
neatly in a hole and works best when it is jerked?
A. A Seatbelt

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's
final exam.
He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring
a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.
One smart ass, male student said,
"What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst
into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at
the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

The prostitute with a degree in psychology really blows your mind.

When you mix a rooster with a telephone pole,
You get a 30 foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.

One day the pretty young maid announced to the Lady of the house that
she was quitting. When asked why, she replied,
"I am in the family way."
The Lady of the house was both surprised and shocked and asked who it was.
The maid replied,
"Your husband and your son."
This time, she horrified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," the maid explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your
husband say, 'You are in the way.' I go to the living room to clean
and your son say 'You are in my way.' So I'm in the family way. I
quit!"

After the big Superbowl party, Todd figured he better spend some
quality time with his wife.
He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed.
"Alright honey," he says, "Give me a play you want me to run."
"How about Foreplay?" his wife replies.
"What's the Four Play?" says Todd.
"You know," the wife, says, "It happens before the two minute warning."

Taxi Drivers do it all over town.

Jack was to be married to Jill,
So his father sat him down for a fireside chat.
"Jack," he says, "Let me tell you something. On my wedding night in
our honeymoon suite, I took off my trousers, handed them to your
mother and said 'Here Honey, try these on'. So she did, and said 'Well
sweetie, they're a little too big, I can't wear them' so I replied
'Exactly. I wear the trousers in this family, and I always will'. Ever
since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm," says Jack, and thinks it's a good thing to try.
So, on his honeymoon Jack takes off his trousers and says to Jill,
"Here Babe, try these on".
So she does and says, "These are too large, they don't fit me".
Jack then says,
"Exactly. I wear the trousers in this relationship, I always will, and
I don't want you to forget that".
At this, Jill takes off her knickers, hands them to Jack and says,
"Here, you try on mine".
So, he tries and says,
"I can't even get into your knickers".
Jill says,
"Exactly. And if you don't change your fucking attitude, you never will!"

Did you hear about the prostitute who was into bondage?
She was strapped for cash.

The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked,
"Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?"
To which the doctor handily responded,
"To avoid criticism."