XX - Adult Puns!

A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and they make love.
The girl wants it again and the guy obliges her.
She wants more and they do it again.
She still wants more and the guy, by now exhausted, says:
"Excuse me a minute I have to relive myself."
While out of the car he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat.
He goes up to the guy and says;
"Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've given it to her four or
five times and she still wants more. I'll change your flat if you'll
take over for me."
The guy agrees.
He jumps into the back of the car and starts to go at it with the woman.
He's just getting to the gravy strokes when a cop knocks on the window
and shines a light on them.
The cop asks,
"What're you doing in there?"
The guy says,
"I'm making love to my wife."
The cop asks,
"Why don't you do that at home?"
The guy answers,
"To tell you the truth, I didn't know it was my wife until you shined
the light on her

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says,
"Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon
after he became an officer in the Air Force.
When months went by without success, they consulted the base
physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there.
"Please disrobe," he told her.
"With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father.
Turning to Dad, the doctor said,
"Captain, I think I found the problem."

London's first sperm bank turned out to be a complete disaster.
There were only two potential donors;
One missed the tube and the other came on the bus.

An elderly couple, in their 80's, went to a sex therapist's office and
asks the doctor to watch them have sex.
The doc is so amazed at such an elderly couple wanting sexual advise
that he agrees. After watching them, the doc says,
"There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have sex."
He charges them $50 and they go on their way.
The couple returns the next week and again ask the doc to watch them have sex.
After several weeks of this, the doc finally asked the couple what
they wanted him to find out.
The old man replies,
"We're not trying to find out anything. I'm married, so we can't go to
my house, she's married so we can't go to her house. The Holiday Inn
charges $98, the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50 and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving me only $7 to pay to get some ass, &
since you are a doctor it's confidential!

The difference between beer nuts and deer nuts is:
Beer nuts cost a buck fifty-nine, while deer nuts are under a buck.

Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank still don't
know how to swipe their card through the ATM card reader.
Because of this, my fellow tellers and I often find ourselves having
to explain how it's done.
One teller complained that she kept getting odd looks every time she
explained it.
I found out why when I overheard her tell one man,
"Strip down facing me."

Stewardesses do it in the air.

A man was on a business trip in West Virginia, when he struck up a
conversation with a young lady in a bar.
After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and
retire to his motel room and she readily agreed.
"Say, how old are you, anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously
young lass was disrobing.
"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.
"Thirteen??? My God girl!!! You get those clothes back on at once and
get the hell outta here! Are you crazy?" he thundered.
Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled
and said, "Superstitious, huh?"

If Dracula hired a lady of the evening, could she be considered,
"Down for the count"?

"Look," said the husband, "if you don't put some more action into it
in the sack, I'm gonna go out and get me some 'strange stuff'."
"Listen Buffalo," snapped the wife, "if you could somehow manage just
a inch or so more, you'd get yourself some 'strange stuff' right
here."

Cuckold:
Somebody that somebody else really has it in for.