Puns of the Day...

With recall of eggs, we can see
We should live cholesterol free.
This conclusion seems fair
That, as a food, they're
Not all that they're cracked up to be.

This policeman was looking for a lead.
He came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper, and said,
"I want you to trace someone for me."

Do you remember when Thymes Limited first went into business?
You know who they are, don't you?
When they first started out, they used to make sausages.
Originally the Thymes family members were farmers and purveyors of
meats-first chickens, then turkeys and later pigs.
Before fragrances, it was breasts of Thymes;
It was the worst of Thymes.

When I'm driving here I see a sign that says,
CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING.
I slow down, and then it occurs to me,
I'm not afraid of small children.

The Presbyterian Church is known for it's strong conservative
resistance to change.
What is the correct Presbyterian procedure for changing a light bulb?
The code-book states,
"The motion as to changing the lightbulb shall properly be brought
under new business of the Committee of Management. When the main
motion has been made and seconded, discussion of the motion shall
proceed. Amendments to the motion, including specification of means of
access and disposal of old light bulb may then be brought, as
appropriate, and discussed. When the motion has been perfected, the
moderator shall read the text of the motion. If there is insufficient
light by which the moderator may read, then the motion shall fail and
no action shall be taken."

I called a blonde on her cell phone.
She asked me how I knew she was at the mall.

A long-married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too.
But he leaned over too far, fell into the well and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
"It really works!"

"It is quite nice to include small grapes in your jams and jellies,"
taught Julia Child concurrently.

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer,
"No, ma'am, we haven't had any for quite some time now, and it doesn't
look as if we'll be getting any more."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the
customer who was walking out the door and said,
"That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I
personally placed an order for them just a couple of days ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,
"Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't
have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she
asked if we had any?"
"Muggers in the parking lot."

Sign in front window of a diet food centre:
Are You Going The Wrong Weigh?

Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde woman from a small town was taking
a long walk through a nearby meadow.
She was surprised when she saw a parachutist trapped in the high
branches of a tree.
"Hellp!" he cried when he spotted her...
"What are you doing up there?" she called back.
"I was skydiving," he answered, "and my parachute didn't open!"
The blonde rolled her eyes.
"Well, of course it didn't. If you'd just asked one of the locals,
anybody could've told you that *nothing* around here opens on a
Sunday!"

Mimes are determined to remain silent,
To say the least.

Bill, Jim and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a
large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75
flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this
unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting.
"I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25
flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way."
At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.
At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.
"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"

The carpenters argued on how best to complete the dinette set they
were working on.
They finally agreed to table the discussion.