X - Nice jokes so keep laughing.

Give us a sense of humour, Lord,
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

Pamela Anderson: I want 34 size BRA.
Salesman: Madam, I think it's too small for your breasts.
Pamela: It's not for my breasts. It's for my Nipples . . .

A Girl to Doctor: I think my BOOBS are full of water.
Dr. : Why do you think like this?
Girl: Every time someone press my BOOBS, my PANTY gets wet . . .

It's short thing,
Gets longer when you hold it,
Pass between women breasts and
Enters into a hole.
What is it?
I like your thinking but, it's a Car Seat
Belt.------------------------------------------------------------
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her
beautiful robe.
The proud husband says,
"My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."

The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.
"Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My word, you are so beautiful, let
me take your picture.
Puzzled, she asks,
"My picture?"
He answers,
"Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the
bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks,
"Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims,
"Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture."
He beams and asks,
"Why?"
She answers,
"So I can get it enlarged."
---------------------------------------------------
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the
whole family , who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a
big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful
woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led
him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under
the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the
dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be
your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I
asked him what to give you."
He said,
"Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said,
"The breakfast was my idea."

Humor Vacation

" Laughter is an instant vacation"
--Merlin Berke
************ ***
Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday
************ ***
Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have?
************ ***
Manager: Sorry, but I can't give you a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just theright person in
this case. You will see, I won't be of much help anyway!!
************ ***
Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
************ ***
Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager! Waiter:
It's no use. He won't eat it either.
************ ***
Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?
************ ***
Husband: You know, wife, our son got his brain from me.
Wife: I think he did , I still got mine with me!
************ ***
Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
Officer: Don't worry . If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
************ ***
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
************ ***
Love is like playing the piano...
First you must learn,
To play by the rules...
Then, you must forget the Rules and Play from your heart.........