Jest A Minute.

Clever Directions.
A girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.
She says:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and
look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A.
Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right.
With your elbow hit 14.
When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left.
With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"
The boyfriend says:
"Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these
buttons with my elbow?"
"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

Marriage Joke.

Dear Dr Ruth,

I'm writing to tell you my problem.

It seems I have been married to a sex maniac for the past 22 years. He
makes love to me regardless of what I am doing; ironing, washing
dishes, sweeping, even doing E-Mail on AOL, etc.

I would like to know if there is anything that ucnn hlp m wth ND f
unothel gothsl ehj fpslth fjsl;s;;o{O} .LP sld mpskdli dlks; a;ld ;;'

Cinsely ous
Mdyl

Americans Are Wacky:

- We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can
make more money so we can move back to the farm.

- In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when
we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about
business.

- We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our
car while eating a $.25 sandwich.

- We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country
in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

- We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up
with our yearning power.

- We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth,
but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armoured car.

- We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world
and still have more divorces.

Wedding night.

Sipho gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father for
some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.

So what do I do first?

His father: "Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed."

Five minutes later Sipho's on the phone again.

"She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?"

His father can't believe what he is hearing.

"Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her."

After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone again.

"Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?"

His dad's patience is now running thin so he says,

"Shit son, do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the
hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!

Just when the old man starts snoring, his son is on the phone once again.

"Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?"

"DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY IDIOT!"

Work Laws:

- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when
the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

- Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there
would be so many.

- Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.

- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

- To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing.

- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

- The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held
responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person
quits or is fired.