Jokes on Saturday..

Give us a sense of humour, Lord,
Give us the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

Political Joke.

An American, Japanese and a Nigerian were boasting about how effective
the electoral processes in their countries were better than one
another.

The American was the first to speak.

He said elections in his country were so perfect that results were
announced in less than 24hours.

The Japanese laughed at the American and said results in his country
were announced less than 12 hours after the election.

Not wanting to be rubbished, the Nigerian laughed at the American and
Japanese and enthused "results are announced in my country even before
the election".
Corporate filly.

The Dakota Indians of North America passed on this piece of wisdom
from generation by word of mouth - "If you are riding a dead horse the
best thing to do is dismount".

However, in the corporate world because of the heavy investment factor
other things to be tried, (but not limited to) are the following:

* buy a stronger whip.
* change riders.
* threaten the horse with termination.
* appoint a committee to study the horse.
* arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
* lower the standards so dead horses can be included.
* appoint an intervention team to reanimate the horse.
* create a training session to increase the riders load share.
* reclassify the horse as 'living impaired'.
* change the form so it reads "This horse is not dead".
* hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
* harness several dead horses together for increased speed and efficiency.
* donate the dead horse to a recognised charity therefore deducting
its full original cost.
* provide additional funding to increase horse's performance.
* do a time management study to see if lighter riders would improve
productivity.
* purchase an after market product that makes dead horses run faster.
* declare the dead horse has lower overheads and is therefore more
cost effective.
* form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.
* rewrite the performance requirements for horses.
* and finally if all else fails.....promote the dead horse into a
supervisory (management) position.

A depressed blonde.

A depressed blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a
tree in the park.

A little bit later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging
from the tree.

He asked her what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist,'
said the onlooker.
"I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breath.

General Joke.

A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by one of the
new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she
burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she
told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first
doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63
years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and
you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said,

"And.... Does she still have the hiccups?"