Mid-week Humour!

Little Johnny & the Devil.

A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"

"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
A witness to an automobile accident.

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying.

The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell
the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and
measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."
Barbies.

A Lady goes to Toys R Us to buy a Barbie doll. She tells the clerk
that she needs to buy a Barbie but doesn't know what's available or
price.

The clerk replies "we have Tennis Barbie and she's $28" Lady asks
"well, anything else?" "We have an equestrian Barbie, and she's $28".

Lady asks "anything else?" "Well, we have divorced Barbie and she's $250"

The lady replies "I don't understand why divorced Barbie is so
expensive. The others were only $28. What is so special about divorced
Barbie?"

The clerk replied "Simple, she comes with Ken's car, his house, and
all his other stuff."
Keeping Up.

This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at
a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the
Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"

The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."

"I got one too... See?"

"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."

Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?"

"Why, actually, yes, I do."

"I do too! See? It's right here!"

"Uh-huh."

The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says,
"So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?"

And the guy in the Rolls says, "No! Do you?"

"Yep, got my double bed right in back here - see?!"

The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off.

Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes
immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed
in back of his car.

About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car
and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it
parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.

The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little
awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps
on the foggy window of the Granada.

The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.

The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"

"Check this out - I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."

And the man in the Granada says, "You got me out of the shower to tell
me that?!"