Married Humor
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : "Nothing".
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."
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Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there
be greater than this one?"
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Stress Reliever
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."
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Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give
up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
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A newly married man asked his wife,
"Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO
LEFT YOU THE FORTUNE!"
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Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."
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A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face
or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."
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Subject: The Compliment
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her
husband, "I feel horrible, I look old, fat and ugly. Pay me a
compliment".
The husband replies, "Your eyesight is perfect".
His funeral is Friday
