a medlee

LS - SL - April 06

The lawyer and the sharks

Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in
dangerous, shark-infested waters? He surprised his traveling
companions by volunteering to swim to the far-off shore for help.

As he swam, his companions were startled by the appearance of two
dorsal fins -- great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer.
To their surprise, the sharks allowed the lawyer to take hold of their
fins, and escorted him safely to shore.

When the lawyer returned with help, his companions asked him how he
had managed such an incredible feat. The lawyer answered,
"Professional courtesy."

Crazy with Confusion

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a
patient, "How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?"
He got the following reply.

"Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never
have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then became
my stepdaughter.

My dad came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter,
then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother. Soon,
my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since
he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my
daddy's wife.

So, as I told you, when my stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at
once my stepmother! Now, since my new son is brother to my stepmother,
he also became my uncle. As you know, my wife is my step-grandmother
since she is my stepmother's mother. Don't forget that my stepmother
is my stepdaughter. Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.

But hold on just a few minutes more. You see, since I'm married to my
step-grandmother, I am not only the wife's grandson and her hubby, but
I am also my own grandfather. Now can you understand how I got put in
this place?"

After staring blanky with a dizzy look on his face, the psychiatrist
replied: "Move over!"

Witch Jokes

What is old and ugly and goes beep beep?
A witch in a traffic jam!

What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
Every time she sneezed her hat blew off!

What happened when the baby witch was born?
It was so ugly its parents ran away from home!

What is old and ugly and can see just as well from both ends?
A witch with a blindfold!

What kind of music do witches play on the piano?
Hag-time!

What does a witch do if her broom is stolen?
She calls the flying squad!

Why did the witch wear yellow stockings?
Because her grey ones were at the cleaners!