Daily Laughs

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,

And bring so much happiness..just as they did.

I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.

Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,

And I'll bounce on the furniture..wearing my shoes.

I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.

I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!

(When I'm and old lady and live with my kids)

When they're on the phone and just out of reach,

I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.

Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,

And when that is done, I'll hide under the bed!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,

I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,

I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,

And when they get angry..I'll run..if I'm able!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click,

I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.

I'll take off my socks and throw one away,

And play in the mud til the end of the day!

(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,

I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.

My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,

And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"

God Bless All Mom's and Grandma's Everywhere!

1. "Valentine Dreams."

After she woke up, a woman told her husband,

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know on Valentine's Day." he said.
On Valentine's Day, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled....
"The Meaning Of Dreams."


"There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate:

when he can't afford it, and when he can."
- -Mark Twain

2. I'd Like To Hear...

Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven.
They are all asked:

"When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says:

"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says:

"I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies,

"I would like to hear them say.......

LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"

3. Lawyers!

A woman wrote to Dear Abby:

"I have a dilemma. I am about to get married, but I haven't been totally honest with my fiancé. My mother is a well-known madam, my father is a convict, and my brother is a lawyer. My sister sells heroin to the children at the school down the street. I also have a problem - I'm wanted in three states for embezzlement.
Taking all that into consideration, this is my question, how do I break the news to my fiancé that my brother is a lawyer?"

Things that make you go Hmmm....

What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?

"Instructions For Life"

Don't confuse mere inconveniences with real problems.

Bonus Joke:
What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common?
They don't really have to catch anything to be happy.

I bet ya' didn't know

Mia Farrow was the cover girl of PEOPLE magazine's first issue in 1974.

Balboa, the Spanish explorer who discovered the Pacific Ocean, was accused of treason in 1519 and beheaded.


As Mahatma Gandhi stepped aboard a train one day, one of his shoes slipped off and landed on the track.

He was unable to retrieve it as the train was moving.
To the amazement of his companions, Gandhi calmly took off his other shoe and threw it
back along the track to land close to the first.
Asked by a fellow passenger why he did so, Gandhi smiled.

"The poor man who finds the shoes lying on the track," he replied, "will now have a pair he can use."