Immigration jokes from TV

I don't think President Bush fully understands this immigration thing.
Like today, when they asked him about amnesty, he said it's horrible
when anyone loses their memory." --Jay Leno

"As you know, today was Don't Take Your Illegal Immigrant To Work Day
here in Los Angeles. No, all across the nation they had a Day Without
Immigrants, is what they call it. Or, as Native Americans call it, the
good ol' days." --Jay Leno

"Here's my question, did Governor Schwarzenegger go to work today?" --Jay Leno

"Lots of businesses were closed, streets were closed - everything was
closed but that big hole down on the border." --Jay Leno

"The Minutemen, the vigilante group that's on the border, they gave
Bush an ultimatum. They said, 'Either you build a wall along the
border, Mr. President, or we will.' I say let them try, because if
there's one thing that will change your mind about immigration, it's
trying to build a 2,000-mile fence without the help of Mexicans."
--Bill Maher

"In Orange County, President Bush was talking about immigration. Bush
said that massive deportation is unrealistic. He said you can't just
move 12 million people to another country. I don't know, Mexico did
it." --Jay Leno

"According to this new bill that's tied up in the Senate, illegal
immigrants who can prove they've been here for two years would be
allowed to stay. So follow the logic here. If you can prove you broke
the current law for two years, you've protected under the new law."
--Jay Leno

"As you know, there were lots of huge marches around the country
yesterday to protest the immigration laws. The marches had quite an
impact on businesses. Restaurants had to close, construction sites had
to shut down, the Yankees had to forfeit a game. ... Do you realize
that Americans are now doing the jobs that immigrants won't do because
they're out protesting?" --Jay Leno

"Over a million people marched today in cities across the country to
protest immigration laws. And while we were watching them do that, a
million more people snuck across the U.S./Mexican border." --Jay Leno

> "The Senate failed to reach a compromise on immigration
legislation, which would have allowed illegal immigrants who have been
in the U.S. longer than five years to remain, while those who have
been here between two years and five years would have to leave, but
could return as guest workers. And immigrants here less than two years
will be right back with your entrees." --Tina Fey

"This is what I don't get about this. They've got oil. Their citizens
love the United States. Forget Iraq, we should have invaded Mexico."
--Jay Leno

"The good news is that Congress is cracking down on illegal
immigration. The bads news: a head of lettuce will now cost $300."
--Jay Leno

"This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the
Indians had a special name for it. They called it 'white people.'"
--Jay Leno

"President Bush is down in Mexico right now. Again, I don't think
President Bush gets it. As soon as he stepped off Air Force Once, he
looked around and said, 'Wow, you got a big problem with Mexican
immigrants down here, too.'" --Jay Leno

"This past week there were half a million illegal immigrants on the
streets of Los Angeles and that was before the protests. That was
Friday. ... Half a million people? It looked like career day at
Wal-Mart." --Jay Leno