Interesting Staff Memo

Contributed by NA-SL

Dear Staff:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the
economy Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of
40 years age and over on early retirement. This scheme will be known
as RAPE Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can
apply to Management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help
After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as
Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can also get
AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants of Spouse) or HERPES (Half
Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons
who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by
Management.

Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity
Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the
amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not
receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor.
They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely, The Management