XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young fool name of Raines,
To get laid, he'd go to great pains,
Never a genius,
He thought with his penis,
But his prick was as dumb as his brains.

Hollywood is remaking 'The Exorcist'.
Its about a mother who hires the Devil to get a priest out of her son!

Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest.
Her mother warned her
"Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will
catch you and suck your tits dry!"
Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the
shortcut through the forest anyway.
A turtle stopped Little Red and warned her
"Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll
suck your tits dry!"
Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest.
Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her
"Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood. I'm going to suck your tits
dry!"
"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're
going to eat me just like the story says!"

Nudist:
A buff that you just have to bare with who is wrapped up only in himself, on
whom nothing looks good, who puts on air, who grins and bares it, and who
wears a one-button suit.

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at breakfast.
As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his wife,
"You aren't that good in bed either!"
By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.
After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered the phone.
"What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"
"I was in bed."
"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"
"Getting a second opinion!

Things you learn in Porn films:
Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with their stuff.

A secretary walked into her boss's office and said,
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."
"Why do you have to give me bad news?" grinned the boss. "Tell me good news
for once."
"All right. Here's good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile!"

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

As an enlisted sailor, I don't feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank
fast enough,
 so I'm going to change my last name to Stains.
My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as
Seaman Stains.

Q. What is 79.35?
A. 69 with a 15% tip.

Storming into his lawyer's office, a Texas oil tycoon demanded that divorce
proceeding begin at one against is young wife. "What's the problem?"
"I want to hit that adulteress bitch for breach of contract," snapped the
magnate.
"I don't know if that'll fly," replied the lawyer. "I mean, your wife isn't
a piece of property, you do not own her."
"Damn right," the tycoon rejoined "but I sure as hell expect exclusive
drilling rights!

A wise man once said
Ignore most of what comes out of a woman's mouth unless you have to wipe it
and put it back into your trousers!