XX ADULT PUNS!

Good girls say no
Bad girls say when?
Naughty girls don't say anything,
They just moan and scream a lot.

Do you know what one tampon said to the other tampon?
Nothing, they are both stuck up bitches.

Johnny paints a sign that reads:
"WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME."
He tells his buddy Roy to get his wagon and both sit under a shade tree in
Johnny's front yard, waiting for business.
Kathy, across the street is not to be outdone,
So she paints a bigger sign that reads: "WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL."
She tells her friend Nellie to get her wagon, and they both sit in Kathy's
yard.
Now Johnny's really pissed.
How dare that girl?
Then, in a flash of inspiration Johnny hauls Roy across the street.
"Let's get some laughs."
"Say, Kathy, you'll move anything?"
"Give me a nickel and I'll prove it to you."
"Roy, give me your nickel!" Johnny takes it and hands it to Kathy.
"What you want moved, boy?"
"Move my bowels!" Johnny says and starts laughing.
So, Kathy kicks the shit out of him.

Masturbation:
Getting a good grip on yourself.

A man returns home from work and enters through the kitchen door.
He sees his wife on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor.
She only has an apron on,
So, the husband gets a big hard on and starts humping his wife doggy style.
When he is through he pulls out and at the same time hits her real hard
upside her head.
"What was that?" the wife screamed "Here I am being so nice to you, and
letting you really enjoy yourself. What did you hit me for?"
The husband looks at her and angrily says
"For not looking back to see who it was!"

The difference between a panty and a stage curtain is
When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over,
But
When you pull down a panty the show begins!

Two men playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said:
"I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up."
When he returned he said:
"I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my
mistress."
The second man said:
"I'll walk up to them and hurry them up."
He came back and said:
"We both have the same problem."

Things you learn in Porn films:
Women wear high heels to bed.

A man was sitting at a bar, morosely staring at his untouched beer.
The bartender walked over with a sigh, and asked
"What's the problem, pal?"
"My brother just told me that there's a sperm bank in his neighbourhood that
pays $40 for a donation!" said the dejected gent.
"Yeah, so?" replied the barkeep.
"Don't you get it?" the man cried our. "I've already let a fortune slip
through my fingers!"

Bubba's wife caught him blow drying his penis this morning and asked him
what the hell he was doing.
Apparently,
"Heating up your breakfast" wasn't the right answer!

This guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he
ended up having a complete sex change.
All of the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking
up so they could give him the bad news. Naturally, the poor guy went to
pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.
"Oh no!" he moaned, "this means I'll never be able to experience an erection
ever again!"
"Of course you will," one of the doctors soothed. "It'll just have to be
someone else's, that's all."

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
None!
Blondes screw in Jacuzzis, not light bulbs.