Impolite Things to Say at a Wake or Funeral

* Of course you'll miss him,
His credit cards ain't good no more.

* It's weird not seeing him drunk.

* Isn't that wool suit gonna be a little warm for Hell?

* Where did you get that ugly dress you burying her in, the green box?

* So, now that you're a widower,
Whose going to keep your bed warm?

* I was there when he died,
He was so mean,
The coroner ruled he died of natural causes even though he had two bullet
holes in back of his head.

* Now that you are single again lets go visit them Johnson girls.

* When you get that big insurance check how about giving me the $200 you owe
me!

* Man, you sure had them put that casket deep in the ground.

* Hey dude, throw them flowers in the hole too!

* First funeral I ever attended and the husband was at a Clemson/ USC
Football game.

*  Son, Go look in the casket and see if that is your Mama,
Who that preacher is talking about!

* Whose idea was it to order 9 yds of concrete to cover that casket..
His  ex-wife?