XX ADULT PUNS!

On the breasts of a harlot from Yale
Was tattooed the price of her tail
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.

My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual,
It makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.

A blonde participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms.
She answered,
"Well, that depends on what's in it for me."

The first old geezer said,
"My hands shake so bad that when I shaved this morning I cut my face!"
The second old fogey one-upped him.
"My hands shake so bad that when I trimmed my garden yesterday I sliced all
my flowers!"
The third old man laughed and said,
"That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I
came three times."

A man's urine is yellow and his sperm white so he can tell if he is coming
or going.

A 19-year old female was asked why she was in the ER.
She said that she and her boyfriend were having sex and the condom came off
and she wasn't able to retrieve it with her fingers.
She went to the bathroom and "gagged myself to vomit but couldn't vomit it
up either."

If you think that sex is a pain in the ass,
You're doing it wrong.

Jeff meets Doug at the bar after work.
Doug is really upset.
"What's wrong, pal?" Jeff asked. "You look really down."
"I am. My wife said she wants to have sex in the back seat of the car."
Doug replied.
"So what's wrong with that?" Jeff asked seeming somewhat confused.
"Well," Doug sighs, "she said she wants me to be the one driving the car."

Sign in a public men's lavatory:
"We aim to please.
Won't you aim too, please?"

Two gays are living together.
Bruce goes out to work while Cyril stays at home everyday to do the
housework.
One day, Bruce comes home and finds Cyril with his bum in the fridge.
"What are you doing, Cyril?" he asks.
To which the Cyril replies,
"Oh, Bruce, I thought you might like something nice and cool to slip into
when you came home."