PUNS OF THE DAY...

A cute, secretary, none cuter,
Was replaced by a clicking computer.
'Twas the wife of her boss
Who put the deal across;'
You see, the computer was neuter.

Such a nice day out today.
I walked across the street to the town recreation area.
The proprietor of the local Chinese restaurant was setting up to do
some outdoor sales.
As he put it, a "great day for a wok in the park."

A new young bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs,
"Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding."
"No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and
he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom.
"Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane
ticket." "Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the
package and it said, 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to
Alaska."

When the newly ordained minister got married a day after graduating
theological school, his bride joked that the officiating minister was
kinda like the Lord as described in the Bible.
"How's that?" asked an attendee.
Replied the bride,
"He maketh me to lie down with green pastors."

I have  been thinking about the times I used to spend fishing.
A favourite technique was to find a nice tall Ponderosa at the edge of a stream.
I would sit down in the shade and cast my line into one little eddy
after another.
I really enjoyed those days of casting swirls before pine.

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the
mess has been cleared up, an inquiry begins.
One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.
"Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what
happened ?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and
I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror,
"How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir"
 "20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the
mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd
have done."
"It was, sir."